


The Long Way 'Round

by dasfreefree



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes, F/M, Female!Reader - Freeform, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Smut, Teacher!Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:41:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22091230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasfreefree/pseuds/dasfreefree
Summary: A lukewarm reception upon returning home after years away, a job you love teaching at your alma mater that forces bittersweet memories onto your everyday,  a string of failed first dates because you just can't get over your high school ex. Adulthood really is shaping up to be something else.Just as you settle into this monotony, a twist of fate leads you back to Ukai, but you can't figure out if this is for the best.
Relationships: Ukai Keishin/Reader
Comments: 58
Kudos: 212





	1. Anger is just love, left out, gone to vinegar (Present)

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a long time in the making--more than three years now--but it's high time I posted this. This whole fic will be a labor of love because it's what Ukai deserves. 
> 
> A huge shout out to my favorite artist, Dessa, for constant inspiration for this fic. All of the chapter titles will come from her lyrics, and this one specifically comes from "The Crow". (Apropos, right?)

_ The hero returns to the world of common day and must accept it as real. – Joseph Campbell _

~*~

There must be something wrong with you is what you tell yourself.

Who else but you would expect a hero’s welcome after years of college and being abroad overseas with almost no contact with anyone outside of their immediate family?

Maybe a huge celebration isn’t what you wanted. Maybe it was something along the lines of walking through the center of town, seeming vaguely familiar to other townsfolk until they would whisper to each other things such as:

“Is that (L/N)?”

“She’s really back... Crazy, huh?”

And that being a catalyst for the events that would change your life. But that hadn’t happened either.

A year had been long enough for your mother. She was kind enough to let you wallow in your disappointment for that long after your return to Japan, but now it was time for a change of pace. “Focusing on your job” was no longer an acceptable excuse. She says it’s time to get the ball rolling and for you to meet a man, get serious about your future. She wants grandchildren to dote on soon, after all! In fact, she’s so kind as to find a date for you: the son of one of you father’s work colleagues. You agree with a willing façade, but reluctantly on the inside. The past few years presented you with similar opportunities for romance and you always took them with the hopes that you might just finally let go.

Those never lasted far past a month of dating, thanks to the same blunder you made by that point in moments of intimacy.

This date had gone similarly to those dates too. The only difference was that the man was beyond charming and you felt as if--in any other life--you would have clicked. You laughed at all his jokes, and he at yours and when dinner was over you didn’t mind going back to your place. You don’t mind that he kisses you on your couch and that you kiss him back, and that you take each other’s clothes off. For the first time in almost ten years, you wonder if maybe this is the turning point, the part which your heart finally decides that it’s healed and ready to embrace a new venture.

How long had it been since you had panted and moaned like this from someone else’s hand? His fingers inside you and lips sucking at your breast, it was familiar in a distant, nostalgic way. In ecstasy, you cry out, “Keishin!”

He hand stops, lips pulling away from your body. Your eyes widen the moment that old name rolls from your tongue. He looks at you, confused and offended.

“I’m sorry?” he asked. “Did you say ‘Keishin’?”

You continue to stare at him, dismally in your own shock and embarrassment. A tear rolls down your cheek. And then another. You hadn’t even realized that your vision had gone blurry with tears until you were already crying. It had been too good to be true, to think you were ready for this.

“You… you need to go,” you mutter. He huffs and hastily dresses himself. You remain seated on the couch, tears still falling and tuning out your date’s voice while he complains about how this night turned out. You don’t offer any other words, no apology, or even a glance in his direction as he hurries out of your apartment.

_ “Sensei?” _

A tear rolls down your cheek again. Instinctively, you bring your hand up your face.

_ “Are you okay, sensei?” _

You shut your eyes and shake your head. When you open them once more, you’re no longer alone in your apartment. The gymnasium you stand in is partitioned from ceiling to floor by a net. On one side, teenage boys play each other in a basketball scrimmage. Their sneakers squeak while a whistle sounds. The other side, where you stand, houses one volleyball net and a group of teenage girls looking at you with concern.

“Sensei...?” It’s Michimiya, a third-year in high school and the captain of the team you coach. She approaches you with caution. “Is something wrong, (L/N)-sensei?”

You could really kick yourself now! How much more unprofessional could you get in the presence of your students? You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh.

“Don’t worry about me,” you announce to the girls. You put on a stern face and pick up a volleyball that had rolled over to your feet. “We’re going to do some drills. You _ all _ __ need to clean up your receiving. It’s obvious that some of you have been skipping morning practices. How many times do I need to remind you that putting in the effort will show results more often than the small chance that a miracle happens?”

The girls sigh and drone out a “Yes, ma’am” and you put them to work. Running drills with them put your mind at ease temporarily. You remind yourself that after this, you’re supposed to meet Takeda—the advisor for the boys’ team—and this new coach he found for drinks, which you had been very much looking forward to. Takeda thought it would be a good idea for the two of you to acquaint yourselves, exchange advice, etc. Perhaps joint practices could be a possibility in the future.

While it seems unlikely that it was the great Ukai Ikkei coming back for a valiant return, you’re sure this new person would lead the boys well. He was a presence to be feared, but you did miss the old man. He rather liked you and got a real kick out of embarrassing his grandson whenever you were around.

At the conclusion of your practice, you leave the girls to clean up their half of the gym and change back into your work attire. As comfortable as the tracksuit is, you want to look nicer for the occasion. The bar is right in town; you know it by name, but this is your first chance to actually go inside. The last time you lived in the area, you were hardly of drinking age. Since you’ve come home, you haven’t bothered with going there. Actually, you’re almost positive you’ve been avoiding it.

You enter and scan the bar for that one familiar face. Chances are slim that he’d be here, but instinct still guides you to seek him out. Before you can look over everyone, you spot your colleague out of the corner of your eye.

“Ah, there she is. (L/N)-sensei!” Takeda calls. He also waves to grab your attention, and you offer him one back as you make your way over to the table. The person seated across from him turns around, eyes widening as you approach.

You stop in your tracks the moment your gaze met his and your heart drops into your stomach.

_ Keishin _ ?

He looks _ different _ , to say the least: once dark, buzz cut hair now grown out and bleached blonde, pushed back with a hairband; his build is more muscular and you can only assume that he had gotten taller as well; his left ear is pierced twice, small silver hoops there to indicate so.

But it’s him. You’d know those eyes, that face anywhere. You’re no longer staring at the boy you had once loved. No, he had grown up in the past eight years, adopting a look totally unlike what you had always imagined he would appear as when you finally saw him again.

Are you ever glad to have thought wrong. You have no idea what happened to him in that time, but whatever it was, it worked some damn good magic. If you had been as cheeky as you were in your youth and less shocked than you are now, you would have assuredly let out a low whistle.

“Hey,” you say only in the way one can after having seeing a familiar face after a long time.

“ _You_?” Ukai asks. He doesn’t offer up any other words, but continues to only stare at you in complete disbelief and something else.

No, you know exactly what it is: anger. 

Takeda, seemingly oblivious to the tension now surrounding the three of you, chimes in: “Oh, so you two are already acquainted. Excellent!”

You tear your eyes from Ukai, nodding your head towards your fellow teacher with a strained smile.

“Yes, we are… acquainted ,” you say. If acquainted now means, “we’re exes and I still have feelings for him” then yes, you two were indeed acquainted.

Hesitantly, you take the seat next to Takeda, doing your best to avoid making eye contact with Ukai. If the heavy glare he’s sending you is any indication of how this would all go, you’re in for a rough outing.

This wasn’t how you envisioned this reunion going down at all.

“So may I ask how you two already know each other?” Takeda asks.

“We went to high school together,” you reply. It’s probably best to keep this simple and avoid messy exposition.

“We _ dated _ ,” Ukai adds almost immediately after. You clamp your mouth shut, eyeing him warily.

Now Takeda picks up on the friction, if Ukai’s tone hadn’t already made it obvious that things didn't quite end well between the two of you. You can sense the panic rising in him.

“I’m so sorry! If I had known I wouldn’t—”

You hold up your hands to reassure him. “Sensei, it’s fine. I didn’t expect you to know any of this. It’s just a coincidence.”

You look to Ukai in hopes that he'll also offer some sort of validation. He huffs, “When you mentioned a (L/N) to me, I just assumed it was someone else with the same last name.”

You wonder if that meant he had thought of you at the mention of your name. If things weren’t so tense you might have smiled at the thought.

“Perhaps this wasn’t my brightest idea,” Takeda murmurs. “(L/N)-sensei, I apologize for making you come all this way and I’ll find a way to make this up to you. Ukai-kun, I know I promised that I’d buy you a drink while we’re here, but I’m going to have to offer you a raincheck.”

Just as he finishes up his apology, a phone buzzes. He stops his groveling, feeling his pocket for the device and pulling it out.

“Excuse me, but I need to take this call. I apologize again for putting you both in an awkward situation. I'll see you both soon,” he says. After bowing deeply to you and to Ukai, he answers his phone and exits the bar.

How  _ convenient _ for him. Your shoulders drop as you watch his figure retreat outside.

_ N _ _ ow what? _

With Takeda gone, you now sit across from Ukai alone. He does everything in his power to avoid looking at you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all--or at least in your head you always built up your inevitable reunion as something pleasanter. In the best case, you could even try again. Pick up where you left off. Start over. However you end up deciding to define it. That was your second biggest mistake when it came to him. Still, you couldn’t help but hope that you could at least get along even after how badly it ended.

It’s best if you leave, but you don’t want to go without saying something after all this time.

“You have every right to be angry with me. How I just decided to end it without hearing you out...that wasn’t fair at all, and I’m still sorry about that, Keishin. I don’t expect you to want to talk about it or forgive me, but I just needed you to hear my apology.”

Even after that, he still doesn’t look to you or acknowledge your words. You nod despite this, and rise from your seat. None of this feels right, and you’ve never felt so powerless in your life. Maybe that’s the root of your current unhappiness: it’s the first time you aren’t able to charm your way into getting what you want. That you aren’t able to charm  _ him _ again. As you pass his side of the table to leave, you’re stopped when a hand takes your wrist.

“Wait.”

You take in a quivering breath at his voice.

“Stay. I’ll buy you a drink.”


	2. Shouldn’t open doors you don’t plan to walk through (Past)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the non-linear nature of these chapters makes sense to you. Chapters alternate between past and present, with present-day chapters being linear and chapters that take place in the past serving as a link between those chapters and centering around a relevant snapshot/vignette of Ukai and the reader's relationship in high school.
> 
> The chapter title comes from Dessa’s “Palace”.

There’s been a lump in your throat since you woke up that morning. Whether or not your usually observant boyfriend has noticed that you haven’t been your normal self today isn’t apparent. He hasn’t made a comment about it like he would. Instead, he carries your conversation while he unloads boxes at the family store.

“I think I’ve got it down now. I’m going to school locally so I can help out at the shop when I’m not in class or studying. It just makes the most sense since I plan on taking over the store for my parents eventually. How about you? Have you decided where you’re going?”

You had been dreading this moment since the results for your entrance exam and interviews from the University of Tokyo came in. The sheer excitement deflated all too soon when the reality of the matter hit you. You told Ukai you were going to take it--and hoped the interviewers would find you as charming as everyone else did--but kept talking yourself down. There was no way you were going to make the cut. It was a reach school, and attending a local school instead seemed more likely to be on the horizon. After all, you weren’t just taking a normal entrance exam, it was for  _ Todai  _ of all schools. People just don’t get in without excelling on the exam and winning over the admissions interviewers.

Imagine your surprise when the results came in, the letter congratulating you on your acceptance as Junior Division student on the Komaba Campus.

“I got the results from Todai,” you say. You voice wavers at the thought of leaving home, of leaving him. The pained look you wore implies something other than what you were thinking to him. He sets the box in his hands down, rubbing the back of his neck as if to alleviate a crick. 

“Hey, c’mon now. You’re amazing, (F/N). It’s their loss,” he says. 

“No, Keishin...I got in.”

A beat. You can’t bring yourself to look at him.

“Are you kidding me? That’s incredible! Seriously, Todai...you really are something else.” He places his hands on your shoulders for a congratulatory squeeze, a safe PDA option for now until you’re in private. The pride in the look he gives you is enough to nearly break you right there on the spot. Your distinct lack of enthusiasm is not lost on Ukai. “You’re not happy about it.” 

“It’s pretty far away from here. Like, four hours away.”

“Okay…”

Before you answer, a customer walks in and Ukai’s mother greets them accordingly.

“Maybe we should talk outside,” you suggest, lowering your voice. 

Ukai lets her know that the two of you are stepping out for a bit and he’ll finish with the boxes in a bit. He retrieves his coat from the back room and you step outside. Despite the bright, clear skies, it’s still a cold day typical of late January. 

Once outside, you continue. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to get another opportunity like this, and I don’t know how often I’ll be able to come home.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that maybe this is where we leave it.”

“Look, it doesn’t have to be so dramatic. People do the long-distance thing all the time.”

You hear the phrase often enough: never sacrifice your future for a boy. While Ukai could very much be right--long distance isn’t impossible--you know yourself better than anyone else does. You know the distance away will distract you from school. This is the school you want.

But he’s also the boy you want. 

“I don’t know if I can handle that, though. If  _ we _ can handle it. I can only speak for myself, but I’m going to get my ass handed to me if I get distracted. And you’re going to be busy with schoolwork too and work here at the store.”

You push a stray hair behind your ear, unable to look him in the eye again. Getting into Todai was what you wanted, sure, but you never expected it to become a reality. You never planned for this. Life is cruel, forcing you to make this decision at all.

Your voice cracks as you speak again, “It’s just going to be too hard. We’re going to grow distant and if we don’t break up now, we will later.”

"How do you know that?

"How many of our senpai are still dating the person they were with when they graduated?”

He’s silent for another moment. The door to the shop opens and the customer thanks his mother as they leave. When they’ve passed the two of you, they quicken their pace, seemingly to avoid the immense tension in the air.

“So this is it?” he finally asks. You can hear the frustration rising in his voice. “You get to decide for us just like that? It’s over?”

Finally, you look up at him. 

Suddenly, you’re painfully aware again of the burning lump in your throat and the tears spilling from your eyes. You haven’t cried over a boy since the beginning of middle school, and now, at seventeen you’re crying once again about a boy, but for a completely different reason.

He clenches his fists; you grip your bag tighter, eyes avoiding him again and focusing on the ground. “I’m sorry, but I need you to understand. I’m sorry. Please understand.”

He lets out a heavy sigh and you could see his body relax even in your peripheral vision. The way it relaxes however, is in defeat rather than relief. “Yeah, I’m sorry too.”

At some point, through your sobbing, you walk away. You don’t know where to, but you need to leave. You say a silent prayer: maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe he’ll grab your wrist to try and stop you from leaving. Maybe you can work this out.

You keep walking. Ukai doesn’t stop you.


	3. In the mess that’s made of us there’s still so much (Present)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it’ll get better! Really! But for now we gotta power through this!
> 
> Edit: Forgot to mention that the chapter title comes from Dessa’s “Half of You.”

This is what you wanted from the start. 

He only wants to buy you a drink. You have to tell yourself that, but at the same time, it’s more than just a drink. 

It’s what you wanted when you were a few months shy from high school graduation, telling him that it was over. If he had stopped you that day, things might have turned out much differently. You would have let him stop you. You would have taken that as your signal to not leave and go to school nearby, but he let you walk away.

It’s what you want right now. That fleeting chance for him to stop you this time comes and this time he takes it. Your heart swells when his hand takes your wrist and you struggle to hold back the tears that well up instantly. 

_ He stopped you this time. _

Your breath catches in your throat. If you’re not careful, you might start crying, so you take another deep breath. A wry laugh escapes as you turn back to him. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

His anger from earlier is gone now. Ukai’s features have softened somewhat, but his eyebrows are knit together. It’s as if he’s searching for something in your face as he looks up at you, but he can’t find what it is. He lets go of your wrist so that you can take a seat across from him again. It was only momentary, but you already miss the warm feeling of his hand against your skin. 

When you’re seated, he sighs and begins. “It’s stupid, but...you just called me Keishin.”

You blink at this. The waitress comes by to get your drink order in the brief silence that follows. 

He continues, “After we broke up--in those weird few months before college--you had a lot of trouble _ not _ calling me by my first name. But you’d still always correct yourself to say ‘Ukai-kun’ when you slipped up. I get it. You wanted to create distance between us and that was the only way you could at the time.” He props his arm up on the table and places his chin in his hand. “But just now, you called me by my first name totally uninhibited. I...don’t know what that means, but I think we need to talk.”

His features finally relax. Maybe he’s found the answer to whatever he was looking for earlier. Now it’s easier to see how much he’s grown. He’s no longer the boy you onced loved, but a  _ man _ . With his handsome features and in his newly realized maturity, you realize how relieved you are that it could come to this point. You bite your lip to fight back the smile you’re dying to break in to. You hadn’t even realized that you called him Keishin; it had come out so naturally like it used to. Thank goodness for your slip-up. 

“We never really did get proper closure,” you murmur. The waitress returns with your drinks. You use the opportunity to bring yours to your lips while you search for what to say next. Thankfully for you, Ukai takes care of that.

“Let’s start at the beginning then. Or I guess the end. We graduated high school, you went off to Tokyo for school, and then I never saw you or heard from you again until about ten minutes ago.”

There’s an edge to his words and it they hit you with a slight sting. The way he sips his beer after he says it doesn’t help to soften the blow either. It’s only fair though. You did try visiting him at the store once when you were home for a break, but he wasn’t around. His mother mentioned he was out on a date.

You never tried again after that. Perhaps because life had gotten in the way. Perhaps because you didn’t want to get hurt. His date could have gone well, after all.

You shrug your shoulders weakly. “Yeah, I went to Tokyo, did a semester abroad in the States to see what I’d missed, and then moved back there to teach Japanese for a while. Now I’m at Karasuno teaching English and coaching the girls’ volleyball club. That’s the abridged version. What about you?” 

Now it’s his turn to let out a wry laugh, “Nothing as exciting as living in another country. I took over the store from Mom and Dad and now Takeda-sensei’s got me wrapped up in coaching the boys’ volleyball club.”

You giggle. “You did exactly as you said you would after all--taking over the shop--but coaching the volleyball club is unexpected. A nice way to shake it up.”

“Yeah, like I said. Not too exciting.”

“But that’s still great! I’ve always liked that about you. When you have a goal in mind, you see it through to the bitter end, even if it takes some time to convince you to go after it.”

In high school, it had taken a lot of pushing from his friends--and even his grandfather of all people--to confess to you. Thankfully for him, once he decided to actually do it, it didn’t take much work for you to say yes. You were already head over heels for him.

You add, “Plus, that’s a lot better than wandering from place to place feeling lost all the time.” He furrows his brow at you again, as if to ask what you mean by that. Without thinking, you continue.

“When we moved back to Japan--even though I had a great high school experience and loved college--I never felt like I truly belonged here. There were a few moments I did think that maybe I’d found my place, but once I left for college I was no longer reassured. That’s why I went back to America; I thought I could find some semblance of what felt like home to me since I mainly grew up there, but everything I knew changed so rapidly. The places I frequented had all changed. My friends from school had grown up, moved, started jobs, some even starting families already. I felt like a stranger in the place I thought was home. So I came back here hoping I’d be able to finally feel tethered to something without feeling like I’m forcing myself to not float away. It’s only been a year, but I haven't found it yet.”

You only realized after you’ve spoken that you’ve been staring hard at your drink. You were saying what you felt, but forgot that you were saying aloud, let alone to Ukai. Years of angst and confusion about life as a whole came tumbling from your mouth without any inhibitions. You look up at him, your mouth agape and wide-eyed. 

“I’m sorry I totally just dumped all of that on you...”

He closes his eyes and coughs awkwardly before shaking his head. “No, it’s... fine.” There’s a gentleness to the way he says that that makes your heart ache a little. He then flashes you a playful smirk. “Haven’t lost my touch at all. Making you feel like you can just say whatever comes to your mind.”

Your heart skips a beat. Whether it’s the fact that his smirk is unfairly sexy or because he’s right that he’s one of the few who you’ve let your walls down around, you can’t say for sure. It’s probably both. You bring your drink to your lips again to hide the embarrassment in your face.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hungry. How about we order some food too?”

This is a turn you really didn’t expect, but it’s not unwelcome. Over dinner, you continue catching up. You tell him about your family. He asks for an update on your sister and you swear to him that her boyfriend’s going to propose soon. He catches you up to speed on how Takinoue and Shimada are doing, and it brings you some relief to know the three are still as thick as thieves.

“How about your grandpa? I actually thought the person Takeda mentioned meeting tonight was going to be him. I miss him!”

Ukai sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “Actually, he’s in the hospital right now. He collapsed the other week and is in recovery.”

You gasp. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Well, it’s his own fault, really,” Ukai huffs. “He’s pushing seventy already and doesn’t know when to take it easy.”

Much to his surprise, you giggle at this. “So your relationship with him is the same as always, I see. Well, I’ll definitely go pay him a visit soon.”

As you continue to catch up, you finish dinner and decide to take a walk around the neighborhood for a bit. At some point during your stroll, Ukai stops you to dig something out of his pocket. It’s a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. You raise an eyebrow at this.

“I know. I know,” he says. “Things got a little tough for me in college, okay? I needed something to help with the stress.”

“That’s fair. Though, I can’t say I approve of this particular stress-relief method,” you comment with a sigh. “There are a ton of healthier coping methods.”

“Hey, I don’t wanna hear it from the woman who couldn’t be bothered to visit once when she was home from college because she was trying to avoid her ex.” 

You blink in confusion, definitely taken aback by this. He begins walking again, but aren’t beside him as he continues on. Instead, you remain in place with skepticism etched on your features. When he notices, he stops and turns back to you for an explanation.

“Um, I actually did visit once. When I was home from school on break during my first year. You were out though, so I told your mom to say hello for me.”

He cocks an eyebrow at this.

“Huh. She never said anything.”

Something settles in the pit of your stomach at this revelation. 

“It...makes sense.” You pause. Ukai takes a step towards you. “You were on a date that night. Maybe your mom didn’t mention me because she thought that--if your date went well and you wanted to see this girl again--bringing me into the picture would only complicate things, however fleeting my presence was. But I don’t blame her. My mom would have done something similar, I bet. Maybe it’s a mom thing.”

Ukai huffs. Smoke billows out of his nostrils. You hate to admit it, but there’s something very alluring about how he looks when he does this. You heart aches again while you watch him. A part of you wishes you could photograph him in this moment. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, you catch a glimpse of your watch.

“Is it really that late already? Shit, I’m going to miss the last train!”

“I can drive you home.”

With the store being nearby, you follow Ukai to his car. You tease him a little about learning to drive on the way there. He teases you back, saying it was only to impress women anyway. His car is small--as you expected from a Japanese model--so you become hyper aware of how close you are to him once seated inside. You give him your address. Now, he has your address. Not that anything is going to come from this.

Unless...

“So what ever happened to that date?” you ask.

“Oh. She was a daughter of one of my mom’s friends. We didn’t really have much chemistry, so it ended right after the first date.”

“Ah, sorry about that.”

“Whatever. It’s fine.” He grumbles this next part as if to hide it from you and not hide it from you at the same time, “It would have never worked out anyway.” 

“Hm? Why’s that?”

“I--well, it’s nothing in particular. She just wasn’t the one.”

Your heart skips a beat. You don’t say it aloud, but you know exactly what he wants to say. At the very least, it’s what you’re hoping he wants to say:  _ it’s because of you. I kept comparing her to you the whole time _ . 

You’re quiet for the rest of the ride. Processing this, plus the impulse to ask what you wanted to ask him since dinner ended overwhelm your thoughts. You don’t even notice he’s pulled up to your apartment complex until he says so.

You swallow hard. You have every reason to fear the answer to your next question won’t be in your favor. However, never know until you ask for things. And you’ve been mostly lucky that when you ask for something, you receive it.

“Hey, Keishin, do...do you think, maybe...we could try again?”

His eyes widen at the question before he averts your gaze and looks forward at the road again. His surprise is gone, expression now more solemn.

“No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”    


A rock--no, a boulder--feels like it just dropped into your stomach to settle there for a while. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Your lips form into an o-shape and you slowly start nodding your head. You don’t know why you’re doing this.

“Right, sorry. That was a stupid question.” It comes off as calm. On the inside, you’re scolding yourself and trying to hold it together. You’re twenty-five-goddam-years-old and you cannot start crying here. There’s only one thing left to do to avoid embarrassment: scramble. You quickly grab your bag and unbuckle your seatbelt. “Well, it was great catching up, and thanks again for the ride. I really appreciate it. I guess I’ll see you around then. Good night, Keish--Ukai-kun.”

He sighs and then says barely above a whisper, “Good night, (F/N).”

You exit his car and shut the door. With your back to him, you head towards the staircase outside your building. You’re already breaking down sobbing before he even hits the gas pedal. Somehow you manage to hear the tires roll over some stray pebbles in the road over how much you’re crying. Somehow those sounds feel louder, more final.


	4. This bell in my chest still rings (Past)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter for my own sanity because the next one will be a looooonnngggg one.
> 
> Chapter title comes from Dessa’s, “Call Off Your Ghost”

Ukai agrees to meet Kugimiya Chiemi at a nearby café at the request of his mother. She’s a family friend he’s met a few times before. It’s just for a drink or two; they probably will chat a little bit and see if this goes anywhere, if there’s any chemistry between them.

At first glance, she’s a pretty girl. The way she holds herself gives her an air of fragility. If he looks at her the wrong way, she might shatter. When he meets her outside, she has trouble holding his gaze and averts her eyes to the ground. He finds that as they take their seats and talk some more, she continues to only take an occasional glance at him. 

You never had that issue when it came to him. Even from day one, despite disorientation and a slight language barrier, you never struggled to keep your eyes affixed on him. Only when you were being coy or mad at him did you ever look away when he caught your gaze.

But he’s not supposed to be thinking about you. It’s already been eight months since you called it quits and Ukai knows he needs to move on. 

But he can’t stop thinking about you. Kugimiya’s talking about...something. While it’d be rude to say it out right, he’s not really listening to anything she’s saying. All he knows is that you would think this café is adorable and try to feed him one of the decadent parfaits solely to get a rise out of him. And when he’d chide you for it, you’d giggle and take the spoonful for yourself. The whole scene would be sickeningly sweet and otherwise gross to him, but at the same time he’d love every second because he’s the one making you smile like that.

No. 

He takes a sip of his drink in hopes that’ll dispel his stupid fantasy. That’s all it is: a fantasy. One that he needs to get over fast.

“Ukai-kun?”

Kugimiya’s voice sends him plummeting back down to earth. With inquisitive eyes on him, she continues, “Is everything okay?”

“Huh?”

She looks down at the table. You would have kept your eyes on him at this point. “You seem spaced out. Is everything okay?”

He swallows, and lets out a sigh. Kugimiya deserves the truth from him. Above everything else, he needs to be honest with himself. He’s not over you, at least not right now. And what’s more, he doesn’t want to be over you right now. One time, you told him that it’s okay to not feel ready. Whether or not it’s because he’s not over you or because he needs something--anything--to validate what he’s about to do, he can’t say.

Either way, he says, “Sorry, Kugimiya, I don’t think this is gonna work.”

Before she can utter anything other than an “um,” he drops a few bills on the table to cover for them both and makes his exit, hands shoved in his pockets and all.

His mother will definitely chew his ear off tonight, but he really doesn’t care. Ukai can’t sit across the table from some other girl, make small talk, and try to gauge if this could end up as love at some point. He can’t pretend he’s fine with that. Everything really did get all screwed up that day. 


	5. And prove your body wrong (Present)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the smut, do do do do.
> 
> Sorry it took so long to update but I needed this chapter to be the best it could be and also wanted it to coincide with Ukai's birthday!
> 
> The chapter title comes from Dessa's, "The Crow".

_ You did it again. _

Ukai sighs for what seems to be the millionth time that evening. He knows exactly why: you stumbled back into his life. Whether it's for better or for worse, he can’t say. Either way, he knows that it’s time to really move on. Your presence isn’t going to change that he knows you both need to let it rest.

_ You let her walk away again, while she was crying too. _

He stops as a light on his route home turns red, foot a little heavier on the brake then it should be. He needs to persevere against these thoughts. They’re not unlike the thoughts that plagued him when you broke up all those years ago, the ones that still haunt him to this day. This time, however, they’re noisier. It’s probably because he’s alone in his car that they seem so loud and he doesn’t have to work as this all happens.

_ You’re still kicking yourself almost eight years later for letting her walk away then, and here you are now letting it happen all over again. You’re still in love with her.  _

“It’s been almost eight years. We’ve grown up. We’re different people now.”

_ Yeah, she’s not the same person she was when you were kids. She’s grown up, but she’s still (F/N). She looks at you the same way now as she did then. Like you’re the only guy who’ll ever matter to her. _

_ She’s still in love with you too. Why else would she have asked that? _

He groans and hurriedly checks the intersection for any other traffic. 

“Dammit! I’m not doing this again!”

~*~

None of your neighbors are outside while you make your way down the corridor, thankfully. The last thing you would need is more embarrassment on top of this heartbreak. Sure, you got your closure. Maybe you could finally move on from him. But nothing about this gives you any sense of relief. It feels more like you crashed and burned badly, only to open up an old wound.

You’ve calmed down somewhat by the time you get into your apartment. After a few deep breaths, tears still roll down your face, but they’ve slowed. Normally, you have little issue charming anyone with a proper strategy. It’s been a long time since it hasn’t worked in some way. It’s not that you’re not used to not getting what you want. No, this is just the first time it hasn’t worked on  _ him _ . You would argue that this is the only time you’d ever wanted your magic to really work.

In times of desperation, you call your sister. Tonight is one of those nights you need to hear her voice and have her verbally smack some sense into you. Before calling her, you wash your face and sigh. You’ve never looked so defeated in your life, not even when you broke up with him all those years ago. Readying yourself, you give her a call. The line rings and rings until she finally picks up at the last second.

“Sis? You’re calling late,” Kimiko chides.

“I, um…I fucked up big time tonight.”

“What happened? (F/N), is everything okay?”

You take another deep breath as the tears threaten to flow again, but you don’t have much time to think about it. Almost immediately after you open your mouth to explain, your doorbell rings. Startled, you jump and let out a yelp. It’s followed quickly by rapid knocking. 

“Sorry, there’s someone at my door. I’ll call you back in a bit.”

“Are you kiddin--”

You quickly hang up without another word from her and head into the hallway.

“(F/N)! Are you there? It’s me!”

How could you ever forget that voice, even from behind your door? You hurry to the foyer and check through the peephole. Sure enough, he’s standing right there. You scramble to unlock the door, greeting his almost frantic expression with shock. He’s panting, trying to speak. Did he run up the stairs to get here?

“Keishin? What are you doing here?”

He holds up a finger to signal you to wait for him. Finally, he stands upright after catching his breath. 

“You always told me that you have to fight for the things you want. I spent the last eight years or whatever beating myself up because I couldn’t even do the  _ one  _ thing you never let me forget. I’ve never done anything as stupid in my life than letting you go and barely putting up a fight that day. ”

He places his hands on your shoulders. His eyes bore directly into yours and you feel like your fifteen all over again and laying eyes on him for the first time. You stare at him in disbelief.

“You’re not the only one who’s grown up! I’m not making the same mistake twice. I’m still crazy about you, (F/N).”

His words are as clear as day, but they take their time registering into your head. Did he really say all those things just now? Your lips quiver while you start sobbing for the second time tonight. Through your tears, your cup your hands around his cheeks and pull him in for a kiss. It’s just how you remembered kissing him to be: his lips a little rough against yours, but exactly how you want it from him. It still makes your heart soar even after all this time, even if he does taste like the smell of cigarettes now.

You pull away just so you can shut your door. He cups his hands around your cheeks this time. With his thumbs, he wipes away the tears that are still spilling down. Between your sniffling, you take comfort in the way his fingers brush against your skin.

“Shit, I really did make you cry. I’m sorry.”

You shake your head. “No, I’m just really happy right now. I’ve wanted this for so long but never thought it would actually happen. It feels like a dream.”

“I promise it’s not.”

“Show me.”

Barely a moment passes before his hands are already wrapped around your waist and pulling you in for another kiss. It’s easy to miss, but you notice the tears pricking the corners of his eyes and the slight flush on his cheeks before his lips meet yours again. It’s a much gentler kiss this time, one that seems to apologize more than anything. 

You whisper his name in between kisses. The kisses deepen with less breaks in between. Tongues entwined, wanton moaning ensues. His hands wander over your body and find their way under your blouse. His skin is rough against yours, but every touch is hot and only serves to stoke the fire that’s burning inside of you right now.

“God, I could take you here right now,” he whispers hoarsely. You shudder at his tone, but shake your head. You know you beggars can’t be choosers, but you’d be damned if your reunion sex takes places in your foyer and not in the intimacy of your room like it’s been in all of your dreams.

Ukai lips nearly descend upon yours again, stopped by the hand you quickly maneuver to cover them.

“Bedroom,” you murmur. 

He offers a nod. You remove your hand from his face and take his own with it. The bedroom is only a few steps away but each one feels like an eternity when you aren’t touching him. Just as soon as you pull him in and he shuts the door, his arms are wrapped around you again. Hungry lips take yours for more fervent and heated kisses. All the while your hands are shakily pulling at the zipper of his track jacket. In your eagerness, the zipper gets caught on the fabric.

You break away to let him deal with it, and he lets out a chuckle when you murmur a quick apology. Deciding to take care of your own shirt in the process, you make quick work of the button-down. Ukai’s already thrown his jacket elsewhere and can’t get his t-shirt off fast enough. Before you can even discard your top, he’s kissing you again and removing the garment roughly and tossing it aside. 

Impatient as he may be, it only serves to fuel the flames burning in your core now. You stumble backwards onto your mattress, Ukai on top of you. His hands roam your torso. Each touch of his fingertips leaves heated trails along your skin. You gasp when they find their way under your bra and brush roughly over your pert nipples. He smirks against your lips and his hands move to your back side all too soon in an attempt to remove your bra.

“Keishin, please touch me more,” you beg.

“I want to, babe. So badly, but--” he fiddles with the clasps behind you. The struggle is evident in the way he groans in frustration when it doesn’t unhook, “--this thing is in the way.”

You giggle and expertly take care of that for him. “Don’t worry, we can practice that plenty later.”

“Still as cheeky as ever, eh?” he says.

“See? I haven’t changed all that much.”

“Well, not all of you.” Now that he has full access to your chest, he takes full advantage of it. His hands fondle your breasts, earning a needy whine from you when his thumbs caress your nipples. You shudder at his touch. “These have changed though.”

Your snort at his remark is cut short when his lips press to your chest. While his lips and tongue make work of your breasts, your hand snakes into his hair. You need something other than your bed sheets to grip onto. When his teeth gently nip at you, you let out a yelp and another whine. With one hand, he works your other breast, while the other trails down your body, working circles into your inner thigh. His eyes--darkened by lust--lock with yours as he continues to toy with you. The heat in the pit of your stomach grows hotter with each motion of his fingers, his tongue. Subconsciously, you give his hair a tug. You weren’t expecting the little growl this elicits from him, but it’s certainly not unwelcome.

“Shit, there’s so much I wanted to do to you but I can’t wait any longer,” Ukai murmurs. He pulls away from you to remove his pants and boxers and it’s then you realize how much you need his touch again. Your hand instinctively makes it’s way between your legs as you eye every inch of his toned body. It’s better than you imagined in your fantasies. Working at the store and keeping up with volleyball did wonders for his physique. He rolls the condom from his wallet on and your mouth waters at the sight of his dick now free from its confines.

When his attention returns to you--finding you playing with yourself--he nearly pounces back onto you. 

“You dirty girl,” he says.

“Keishin, please,” you whisper hoarsely, desperately. You need him now. “Tell me how you want me.”

With those six words, something in him snaps. He lets out a nearly feral grun and lifts you onto his lap. His hands are tight around your waist as you straddle him, as if you’d float away if he let you go. You hover just above him, beyond eager to lower yourself onto him. Maybe now you’ve finally found that tether you’ve been looking for.

“Like this. Exactly like this.”

You don’t need any other word from him. You lower yourself and let his cock fill you up. You wince and place a hand on his chest: a signal to wait until you’ve adjusted to him before either of you start moving. Ukai uses this time to leave biting kisses along your neck. The sensation of his teeth scraping along your collarbone sends shivers down your spine. 

“I...I think I’m good,” you say after what feels like an eternity. You give a small shift of your hips for good measure. A moan escapes from your lips as you do this, and before you can even think of saying anything else, he’s begun thrusting in a slow and steady rhythm. With your own movements, you try to match him. He feels so damn amazing inside of you that you can’t help but let out another wanton moan, which only seems to spur him on. His thrusts become deeper, more erratic that it’s difficult to stay upright. You lean forward into him for a little support--a very good move on your part--because when his cock pounds into from this angle it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. 

Grunting out a curse he captures your lips again for a sloppy kiss, his fingers making their way to your clit all the while. His fingers work and pinch it ever so expertly that every single one of your nerves on fire now.

“Keishin, I’m...I’m so close,” you pant. Your own hip movements are wild against him as you chase your orgasm. Each time his dick hits you in that sweet spot, each time his finger motions over your clit, you can feel how much closer you are.

And you come, hard, falling back onto your own hand to hold you up while he catches up to you. In your blissful state, you cheer him on with a tired voice, “Come on, baby.”

Ukai’s grip on your waist tightens as he continues to pound into you. He be damned if he lost such a perfect angle to fuck you at. Another grunt from him and he’s there. His eyes shut as he releases, falling back onto his own hand much like you did moments prior. 

Some time passes before the panting from both of you eases. You’re still straddling his lap, arms still entangled around his neck. Ukai gently leans his forehead against your shoulder. He hums peacefully, then places feather-light kisses there and along your neck. You giggle his name when he does this.

“I missed that,” he says. He pulls away to look at you. 

“Missed what?” You only ask because he could be talking about anything that just happened. 

“Your laugh. I always thought it was really cute,” he says with a slight laugh of his own. You try to fight the huge, dorky grin you want to give him and instead settle for another kiss. 

You rise from his lap, feeling a little extra emotionally needy now that he’s no longer inside of you. Much to your delight, he’s already laying down and patting the empty space next to him. You can’t help but giggle again, finding humor in him doing this when it’s your bed after all. Regardless, all you want to do is snuggle up next to him and soak in as much as you can. Eight years is a long time to go without any of this and your starving for every inch of him. You lie down beside him, and settle your head on his chest. 

“What else did you miss?”

“Oh, so we’re playing this game, huh?” Ukai laughs nonetheless. “Well, I definitely missed how cheeky and bold you can be.”

“Uh huh. And?” you prod.

“How old are you? Five?” You both cackle at this while he plants another kiss on the top of your head. “How about you tell me something?”

“What didn’t I miss? I missed how big and cheesy your smile gets when you're fooling around with friends. I missed how much fun it was to practice volleyball with you. I missed how recklessly determined you are whenever someone challenges you. I missed seeing you everyday. I...” Your lips quiver again and you fail to fight back the tears. “I, um, I missed my best friend.”

Even though you’ve already cried in front of him several times this evening, for whatever reason, this time you feel guilty about it. Before he was your boyfriend, he was your best friend. Maybe that’s why the break-up was harder than it should have been. You didn’t have many friends in Japan, and the day you called it off ended the most important friendship you did have. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to start crying ag--”

Ukai’s arms fully envelope you, effectively cutting you off.

“Hey. Can you stop apologizing for that? You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”

And like a true best friend and lover, he lets you blubber into his chest until you’ve shed your last tear. Despite this, he laughs at your almost exaggerated show, pulling tissues from the box on your nightstand to clean himself of your snot and tears and take care of the condom. 

“Feel better?” he asks when all has been disposed of. He kisses the crown of your head before you give him a nod.

“So much better,” you whisper. 

The sight of him in your bed next to you, his arms wrapped around you to hold you close is everything you had hoped for once again. For the first time in a long time, you feel a weight lift off of your shoulders. This feels  _ right _ . It’s as if the world--your world--has regained a sense of normalcy. As you drift off to sleep, you hope it can stay like this forever.


	6. China doll in the bullpen (Past)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohohoho, we finally get to see how Ukai and the reader first meet! There are some moments I laughed at here, so I hope they make you laugh too!
> 
> The chapter title comes from Dessa's, "The Bullpen."

It happened like this: you’re fifteen-years-old, cranky and jet lagged after a long flight from Los Angeles to Sendai. On top of that, it’s final. There’s no turning back. All of your friends, the place you know best, the team you’ve come to respect are all an ocean away now. There’s still the drive from the airport to your new house on top of all of this. While you’re in the car on the way there, your sister, Kimiko, has the audacity to make a comment about ugly you look when you sleep sitting up. So you give her a kick to the shin. It’s not particularly forceful thanks to the awkward angle you have trying to kick your sister while sitting right beside her, but she’s fourteen and equally as cranky and will milk this for all it’s worth.

“Mom!” she cries. Your mother sighs before putting on a sugary sweet disposition.

“Dear, pull over for a second,” she says to your father. He looks skeptical, but obliges nonetheless. He puts the blinker on and pulls over to the curb. You’re somewhere in the middle of a town. You can read the signs well enough, but nothing hints as to exactly where you are. Your mother turns around in her seat to face you. “(F/N), you remember our new address, yes?”

Now, it’s your turn to look at her skeptically. “Yeah. Um, wait. I have it written down.” You shuffle through your backpack and find the notebook you scribbled the address in. 

“Good. Now gather your things and step outside of the car.”

“Huh? Why?”

“(F/N), please.”

Still skeptical and a little afraid of her because she’s acting way too sweet for any good to come of this, you open the car door with your backpack in tow. Once outside, your father rolls down his window so your mother can speak with you.

“You’re the older sibling; you’re supposed to set an example. If you can’t behave, I have no choice but to treat you like a child. So you’ll be going on a child’s errand and will have to find your way home. This should give you enough time to think about what you’ve done.” She turns to your father again. “Dear? Let’s go.”

“Wait, doesn’t this seem--”

“ _ Dear _ .”

Your father swallows hard and starts the car again. You stare in shock as they drive away, and Kimiko flips two triumphant birds at you from the windows. Only when they’ve turned the corner does reality truly hit you.

“WHAT?!” you shriek. Without another thought you sprint after the car. “But Kimiko started it! Shouldn’t she be doing this too?!”

But your protests fall on deaf ears. The sun’s lowering in the sky as you chase the family car. Unfortunately, even at top speed, you’re no match for it. It doesn’t take long for you to lose sight of them, but nevertheless, you’re still sprinting.

Dammit, you curse internally. Stupid Kimiko! This all her fau--

Suddenly, your foot hits uneven pavement, and your body falls forward. Everything seems to have slowed down while this happens.

You think as you fall, So this is how I die, huh?

And before you know it, you’ve hit the ground tumbling. The pavement scrapes against your knees and elbows while all momentum is finally lost. You’re staring up at an empty sky, ready to burst into tears but suddenly don’t have time to muse in your misery.

“Are you okay?!” someone calls out to you. The sound of footsteps rushing towards you can’t even get you to sit up and look. 

A face has now entered your vision. It’s the face of a boy. He’s probably not much older than you are. If you really are dead then he must be an angel or something. An angel with a buzz cut. Either way, you can’t seem to bring yourself to answer him. Instead, you start to sit up and catch a glimpse of two more boys running towards you as well. They both seem equally as concerned as the first.

“You really took a nasty spill there.”

You try speaking, but you’ve caught his eye and can’t look away from him for whatever reason. 

“Is it bad?” Another boy--this one with glasses--asks. 

“I’m…” you put a hand to your head for no reason other than because you’re dazed and still can’t look away from your buzz cut angel.

“Wait, you didn’t hit your head or something, did you?” the first boy asks.

“Um, Shimada, you remember how to do the concussion test, right?” the third boy asks.

“What? No…”

“But coach showed you last week during practice!”

The first boy snaps. “We can worry about that in a minute!” He turns to you. “My family’s store is right on the corner there. My mom can grab the first aid kit for you.” He offers his hand to help you up. You take it and stand, but not without wincing in pain from the soreness and stinging from your fall. You’re able to walk fine otherwise, but the three remain by your side to keep an eye on you.

The boy who you assumed was an angel enters the store first when you get to it. It’s then you notice the writing on the back of his track jacket: Torino High School Men’s Volleyball Club.

“Ma! Get the first aid kit!”

You cock your head to the side and mumble, “Torino?”

Once inside, you take a seat at the small table set up in the shop. A short, plump woman emerges from the back with a plastic case in tow. Her eyes fall on you and both her eyebrows shoot up.

“Oh dear, what happened here?” she says, making her way from behind the counter and over to you. “Keishin, go get me a bottle of water and some paper towels, please.”

Your angel boy--you figure this is the one called Keishin--obliges and disappears down one of the aisles in the shop.

“It’s...a long story...but I tripped,” you explain. It comes out hesitant as you try to recall the words. You spoke Japanese at home plenty back in the States, but you’re still rusty and unsure most of the time. Not to mention, speaking with total strangers and native speakers is intimidating.

“What’s your name?” she asks. Her son returns with the requested items. She takes them from him and begins to pour water onto the paper towels.

“I’m (L/N) (F/N).”

“Do you know how old you are?”

“I’m fifteen-years-old.”

She presses the wet paper towel to your scraped skin, earning a grimace in pain from you.

“Do you know where you are right now?”

“No.”

“What’s your address?”

“I don’t...know.” Now, she looks to you with concern. “Um...I wrote it down. I just...moved here from America.”

She lets out a sigh, seemingly in relief, “Good. That explains the way you’re talking. You didn’t hit your head at all, did you?”

“No, ma’am,” you assure her. “I just tripped.”

“Well, I think we can rule out a concussion then.”

She squeezes out some antibacterial ointment onto the pad of a large bandage, and then sticks it to your knee.

“Thank you! I--I can do the rest, if that’s alright. I don’t...want to keep you.”

She laughs at this. “Ah, I can get carried away. Sorry about that, dear. I went into to Mama Mode because Keishin’s too grown up now and doesn’t let me act like his mother sometimes.” Turning to your buzz cut angel, she pouts. “Will you bend down a little so I can reach your head? This calls for an obligatory head rub.”

“Ma, cut it out!”

You and his two buddies snicker at the display, leading him to blush in embarrassment. A thought pops into your head when this happens: he’s kind of cute when he blushes like that.

“Well, as long as (L/N)-chan is okay, I’ll leave the rest to you boys.”

She goes to return to the counter, and you’re sure to thank her again when she does.

“So America, huh?” the third boy asks. He’s now taken the seat adjacent to you. His hair is blonde and you wonder if he has to dye it or it’s actually natural. His dark sideburns lead you towards dyed.

“Yeah, I was actually born here, but we moved... to the States when I was really young. My dad’s work had us move back, though.”

The boys--whose names you’ve now learned to be Ukai Keishin, Takinoue Yusuke, and Makoto Shimada--prod you with some more questions and commentary about American life. You do your best in explaining your life in California and how different and yet the same it can be in movies. 

“So where are you going to school?” Shimada asks as a follow-up.

“Ah, I’m going to Karasuno High School. Have you heard of it?”

“Heard of it? We go there!” Takinoue stands as he says this, pointing his thumbs to the wording on the back of his track jacket.

“Um, so it’s doesn’t...say Torino?” you question with hesitance. Here you thought you were on a roll with your kanji reading.

“It’s no big deal! People misread it all the time,” Ukai says when your face falters. “Seriously, your Japanese is really good.”

Your parents had warned you about that: how people in Japan will tell someone their Japanese is good even when it’s not. Something about wanting to encourage people to speak it more and something else about being polite. However, something in the earnest way he’s looking at you leads you to believe he really does mean it. You smile a little shyly at his compliment.

“Thank you. I--Ah!” In the whirlwind of the past half an hour so, you completely forgot that you were supposed to be making your way to your new residence. You rise taking your backpack with you. “Sorry, I need to head home. My family is probably worried about me.”

Well, it would be their fault anyway for putting you in this situation in the first place. 

“Keishin, why don’t you walk her home?” Ukai’s mother calls from her place at the counter. “From one mama to another, I’d feel better knowing that my daughter was accompanied on her walk home in a new country.”

You bow in thanks to her and to her son, and to Shimada and Takinoue when they leave the shop. After showing them your address, it turns out they have to head in different directions from you. That leaves you alone with Ukai for the walk home.

“So you’re on... the volleyball team?” you prod. “I play volleyball too! I played middle blocker...on my last school’s team. I was going to try and join the girls’ club when I transfer. What position do you play?

A bit of a sour mood seems to settle over him. “I’m a setter, but I don’t really get to play much. Gramps doesn’t think I’m cut out for the starting line-up.”

“Gramps?”

“He’s our coach.”

“Sorry. That must... suck that your own family doesn’t trust in your abilities.”

“It’s fine. He’s been busting my chops since I was in diapers. This is nothing new.”

As if sensing your discomfort, he tries to change the subject. Since you’re transferring to Karasuno next week, he talks to you about the school a little. You only get a glimpse into what life is like there, but knowing that you have him and his friends as three people you can look to for guidance is reassuring. Before you know it, you’re stopped in front of your new house. Your family is just inside the gates, bringing in boxes from the moving truck.

“Thank you for walking me home, Ukai-san,” you say. “I’ll see you in school next week.”

You offer him a shy wave before you turn. You miss the wave he gives you in return and the light flush that spreads across his cheeks.

“Who was that?” you mother asks. As you cross the threshold of your new home, your mother quickly glances over at Ukai and then to you. Her eyes widen at the sight of the bandages and bruises on your knees and arms. “(Y/N), what happened?”

You smile and look down at your injuries as well. “Oh, it’s nothing serious. I just made some friends.”

Even if it pissed you off at the time, you’re honestly thankfully that Kimiko decided to be a brat that day and your mom a hard-ass. Who knew that it would lead to this?


	7. From beneath, it all looks the same (Present)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative titles to this chapter include: "The Wrath of Kimiko" and "Things Are Definitely Not as Blissful as They Seem"
> 
> The actual chapter title comes from the lyrics to Dessa's “Kites.”

It’s been a long time since you’ve had such restful sleep. Maybe now that eight long years of misery after letting the love of your life go magically vanished after last night’s reunion, you can finally rest easy. The sun is barely up when your eyes flutter open.

Your bed, besides you, is empty. You sit up with a startle and look around for signs of last night. Your clothes are still strewn all over the floor but Ukai’s…

Ukai’s are gone. Something heavy settles into your stomach; this can’t be happening.  _ Not now _ . While your thoughts race to try and reason with your anxiety (he probably just got dressed and is waiting for you in the kitchen or living room), you hear your front door open and shut. A voice hums--you know it’s his almost instantly--as he removes his shoes and quiets as he approaches your bedroom once again, as if not to wake you. You let out a sigh of relief as the door slowly opens and his figure appears from behind it.

“Ah, you’re awake,” he says. A smirk makes its way to his lips. “And tempting me first thing in the morning, eh?”

Without thinking, you grab your comforter to cover your bare chest, which is just silly at this point. Still, you can’t help but get flustered over this. He laughs when you do this, making his way to your bed and sitting down beside you. The scent of cigarettes lingers on his clothing. So that’s where he went off to.

“Don’t act like I haven’t seen all of you already,” he teases.

“Instinct,” you say, with a sheepish laugh. He leans in and you readily accept his kiss. He tastes of cigarettes as well, a taste that you’ve already resolved to get used to by being with him. Your hands let go of the comforter and snake through his hair as you look to deepen the kiss.

When you pull away, he says hoarsely, “You wanna go again?” You only need to offer him a nod before he removes his shirt. Kissing once again, you fall back onto the mattress, eager to take him in once again.

Ukai is suckling at your neck when your phone starts to ring. You both groan in frustration as it blares. Ukai pulls away so you can take care of it. If you weren’t so annoyed, you would have thanked him for being a gentleman about it. You answer the call without even bothering to look at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Ah, good. You’re alive!” That’s definitely your sister’s voice. “ I came to check on you and just got to your apartment. I’ll be up in about a minute.”

She hangs up before you can say anything else.

“Shit, Kimi’s here,” you say, dropping your phone and giving him a slight push to signal him to get off of you. Once he moves, you scramble out of bed and over to your dresser.

“Kimi? As in your sister Kimiko?” 

“Yes!” You search your drawers quickly for a pair of flannel pants and a t-shirt to throw on. You continue as you nervously try to put the pants on, “I called her last night and hung up on her when you got here. Fuck, she’s not gonna be happy.”

Just as you finish pulling the t-shirt over your head, a knock comes from your door. 

“Stay here. I’ll deal with her.”

Hurrying down the hallway, you go to open your door. Sure enough, your sister is standing before you: black hair pulled back into a perfect bun, make-up done despite the early hour, and a lavender and white color-blocked dress underneath her jacket just to show off her polished airs even more. It’s obvious that she had plans to be somewhere this morning already and came to visit you before heading off to whatever those might be.

“Kimiko, you really didn’t have to,” you say.

She shakes her head and clicks her tongue. “Oh, but I really did have to. My big sister called me so emotionally distressed last night but hung up on me and didn’t call me back. I was worried!” she cries.

“Well, I’m alive and well. And it looks like you have somewhere to be, so I won’t keep you--”

“Let me come in for a bit. It’s rare I get to spend some time in the morning with you nowadays.”

You sigh and move to the side to let her in. She can stay for a few minutes as long as you can get her out quickly and without her bumping into your “guest”. As she goes to take her shoes off, she catches sight of Ukai’s flip-flops. You chide yourself internally for not shoving them away somewhere before answering the door. 

“Those are...interesting,” she says, inflection rising at the end of her observation.

“I, uh, got them at the thrift store. Figured I could get a sturdy pair cheap there.”

It doesn’t take an idiot to see through your flimsy excuse. Not to mention they’re a couple sizes too big for your feet. Kimiko’s already not convinced by this, and now  _ of course _ , a loud sneeze sounds from your bedroom. Her eyes widen and jaw drops, but there’s a sparkle in her eyes.

“Do you have a guy over?” she asks enthusiastically. 

She can’t find out, not because you’re embarrassed by the whole ordeal (she’s been harping you about finding a boyfriend just as much as your mother has so this would normally appease her), but because of how she’ll react to who this person is.

“If you intend on courting my sister, you have to get my approval first,” she calls out in a sing-song voice. She practically skips down the hallway to your bedroom as you try to stop her. 

“What is wrong with you?!” you ask. 

It’s no use at this point. She opens your door without a second thought to find Ukai, still shirtless, on the floor of your room. You’re not sure why he’s there other than maybe he thought he could hide under the bed and got caught before he could get there. He stands in a panic. You cover your face with both hands as you count to three. It’s about to come.

Kimiko eyes him up and down, her jaw slack and eyes full of judgement.

“Ukai?” she asks, more so to you than him. “Are you kidding me?”

Her shoulders drop as she turns to you. “You’re fucking your high school boyfriend? After how many years of me telling you to get over him?”

“Kimi, stop it.”

“I don’t understand how this is healthy!”

Ukai holds up his hands. “Hey, now, we’re two consenting adults here.”

“Oh, can it! You know what I mean,” she practically spits at him. She turns back to you. “Were you crying over him last night when you called me? You think it’s normal to hold onto something for that long? You didn’t even see him all that time!”

“That’s for me and Keishin to work out.” You take in a sharp breath to try and calm yourself. Kimiko is definitely angry at you, but you’re still her older sister. You know she’s only angry because she remembers how broken you were. “ I know. You’re looking out for me, but this is what I wanted. Why is it such an issue for you?”

She huffs, elbowing you away from the doorway. “I can’t get into this now with you. I’m already late for breakfast with Kenji’s mother. I told her I was worried about you and wanted to check in on you before I met up with her. What a waste of my time!” You decide not to follow after her as she rushes down the hallway. She hastily slips her shoes back on and pulls the door open. If she had any less decorum, she could have probably made a fair attempt at ripping it off its hinges. “Don’t bother soliciting me for advice with men anymore, for advice about  _ him _ anymore.”

Kimiko storms out, punctuating her exit with the slam of your door. A moment of silence passes as you let out a heavy sigh. The whole scene is reminiscent of the aftermath of a storm. There’s no physical damage done, but there’s definitely a lingering tension between you and Ukai. You turn to him, fists clenched and eyes downcast.

“I’m so sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.” Your voice is hoarse and it quivers as if you’re on the verge of tears.

Ukai sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. There’s a half smile on his lips when he says, “She really never did like me, huh?”

He really is a sweetheart under that rough exterior. 

He’s not entirely wrong. Kimiko’s always been wrapped up in a fantasy of her own: living in the lap of luxury as a rich man’s trophy wife. When she met Kenji, she became a proposal away from everything she wanted. Unfortunately, she projects that fantasy onto you as well. Ukai--while a successful small business owner--is too rough-around-the-edges and down-to-earth for her tastes. Even in high school, she thought you were way out of his league. If he were some hot-shot corporate executive or powerful politician, she would have no qualms with you two getting back together. A corner store owner/farmhand/high school volleyball coach just isn’t in her design for you.

You don’t have it in you to tell him that she’d been begging you to get over him ever since you broke up. That she easily could guess even years down the line you were still in love with him and that she would do everything in her power to let you know how unhealthy it was that you still were. It even got to the point that she suggested that you have that you just sleep around because it might help. She was frustrated that you couldn’t move on. It was a burden for _ her _ to have to deal with her miserable sister because of him.

Instead, you murmur, “Ever since she started putting her hair up in that prissy ballerina bun and met her boyfriend, she’s become a worse version of herself.” It’s still the truth, even if it’s only part of the picture. “Keishin, I’m really sorry--”

“And I keep telling you to stop apologizing.” Now, it’s his turn to sigh. You look up at him and blink in surprise. “I accepted that she didn’t like me a long time ago. Whatever she has against me is her problem. The only thing that matters to me right now is whether or not  _ you _ like me.”

With those words, most of your worries dissipate. Ukai opens his arms, curls his fingers in twice to signal to you to go over to him. A grin forces its way to your face as you step into his arms, wrapping your own around his torso and pressing your cheek to his shoulder. 

“I definitely like you,” you say. “I like you a lot, actually.”

“Now, that’s what I was hoping you say.”

As picturesque and comforting as this is, you still can’t help but worry. If Ukai is really in this with you for the long haul, you can’t have him and your sister stay on such bad terms. You don’t know what to do about it, but you’re smart. You’ll figure something out even if it takes some time. For now, you’ll take your momentary bliss in his embrace 

It’s good to be wrapped in his arms again. The hot air balloon that is your life might finally have found a proper place to tether despite the stormy skies above.


	8. Until you let the kite go (Past)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SORRY I PROMISE I'M NOT DEAD. I'm just depressed. 
> 
> I'm sorry I came back and gave you the events of this chapter but they have to be laid bare. This isn't a dig at my writing. I just know y'all are going to have Thoughts about this.
> 
> Chapter title comes from, wow, who would have guessed it? Dessa's, "The Crow."

Ukai doesn’t know why your sister asked to meet up with him. Ever since she joined the two of you at Karasuno, she made it clear she wasn’t a fan. Kimiko eased up her frigidity when the two of you were dating--no one could argue that the time you were together, you were glowing--but now that you’ve broken up? All bets are off. Class is over for the day, but she called him to meet her behind the clubrooms before your respective practices. 

When he arrives at the meeting spot, she glares at him, looking anything less than pleased. Even guys he’d pick fights with didn’t look at him with half the vitriol she looked at him with now. Still, he can’t help but notice the long lavender box in her hands. It looks a little too familiar for his liking.

There’s no pleasantries to exchange. Kimiko simply hands the box to Ukai and says, “My sister wanted me to return this to you.”

Ukai clenches his jaw and sighs heavily, gaze never meeting hers and staying firm on the box. “She couldn’t do it herself, huh?” He didn’t realize he was hoarse until this moment.

She clicks her tongue and crosses her arms over her chest. “You know that she couldn’t even if she tried.”

He can’t. He got this for you. He saved up his allowance, begged his mom for a small paycheck from working at the store, even his grandpa chipped in to help pay because he liked you that much just to get you something extra special for your birthday. He swallows hard then presses the box against Kimiko’s arm.

“Well, I don’t want it back. I got it for her. What’s a guy gonna do with some girly necklace anyway?”

She shrugs her arm to get Ukai to stop trying to give it back to her. “I don’t know. Give it to your mom for her birthday or something.”

“She’s the one who helped me pick it out for (F/N).”

“Well, then give it to some other woman in your life. Or sell it or whatever.”

“I already said I don’t want it. (F/N) can deal with it.”

In their bickering, they continue to push the box back-and-forth towards one another. In any other situation, this would be hilarious, but on the heels of a horrible break-up, neither of them can see the humor in it. 

Finally, Kimiko shoves the box into his chest and holds it there, raising her voice enough to attract attention to the few people walking by. “She can’t even look at it without turning into a bawling mess. Do you really think she can do that, Ukai?”

There’s a very pregnant pause. Ukai looks into Kimiko’s eyes for the first time during this conversation. There’s anger--yes--but he sees suddenly that you and him are not the only ones hurting. He doesn’t have siblings. He can’t fully relate, but he can’t imagine having to see a sibling so broken. You were always a breath of fresh air, the sun peeking out from the clouds on an overcast day. The whole school can tell that you’re not yourself now.

But who was the one who made that call?

“That’s her problem, not mine. She broke up with me.”

Ukai gives the box a final push towards Kimiko. She doesn’t fight back against those words; she knows he’s right. Her frustrations with him are still evident in the way that she shoves the box back into her bag, but she’s given up.

“Ugh, this is hopeless,” she huffs. 

They say nothing to each other after this. Kimiko turns on her heel and practically stomps off to the clubroom to change before the girls’ volleyball practice. He stands stationary, eyes fixed on the ground, not ready to move. For the next eight years, they never speak again.


End file.
